CronaWatch 2020 Week 6

OK, so remember last week how I said I couldn’t deal with continuing the TP imagery? Well I lied. I happily broke into my new supply this week, with great thanks to my friend Jennie. I thought the color photo would be an appropriate way to celebrate. You know like when the Wizard of Oz switches to color. Having a supply of TP is today’s trip down the Yellow Brick Road to see the wizard, people.

If I had enough brain power, I would think of a clever way to weave the Wizard of Oz throughout the post, but while I do have an ample supply of TP, the brainpower shelf has been fairly empty every time I’ve gone looking for it.

Now that I’ve properly lowered your expectations, here are this week’s updates:

Here is Boston we’ve reached the plateau of Crona. This is a good thing, but it doesn’t feel as good as it could because we were looking for the “peak,” which implied we were going to get to a cartoony tippy top, and then we’ll slide down the other side to Crona-free land. A plateau, if you remember from your 7th grade geography class, is that flat long thing that takes a while to traverse. I don’t remember if plateaus can have trees on them, but I’m thinking we should stick with the US western desert version. And if you are still following my bad metaphor, you should also know the downside of this particular plateau is a long slope, not a straight drop off. But we’ll jump off that ledge when we get to it. Right now it shouldn’t get any worse. I mean unless people get crazy and start demanding everything reopens, but who would be a balatron and do that?

The college radio station of Emerson College, WERS has started announcing people’s birthday, anniversaries, and other celebrations because people can’t do it person. That is such an old school thing to do — when I was growing up, the radio was full of those, as well as song dedications. It’s funny to me how Crona seems to have set our clock back. I especially remember a radio show called the Cracker Barrel out of Southbridge, MA. We would listen to it with my grandmother at their little lake cottage. She had this old style radio, probably 4 ft tall and was like a piece a furniture. Well, it was old to me, but it was from my grandmother’s youth, so a normal thing to her. I’m sure the kid looks at my turntable and albums in much the same way. On the Cracker Barrel show they read off birthdays and celebrations and also sold things — a radio Craigslist. That cottage was magical for us as kids, so having that memory evoked was sweet moment in what was an intense week.

Which was good, because every day tasks can get so complicated. A friend had found TP on the Staples website, so I went there to see what I could get. Of course there was no TP — that’s like waiting 2 hours to get tickets to … whoever sells out in 1 hour. But they did have other things I hadn’t be able to get, like liquid hand soap and Kleenex. But then a weird survival thing kicked in. I started looking frantically around the site. What else do I need or should stock up on in case it isn’t in the store next time I go? Oh, they have bread!? But it’s 2 full loaves and my freezer is already fairly full. Snack bars? 48? Do I really want 48 snack bars? We actually did need cream cheese, and they had it! But it was Costco sized. Two tubs of 2 cups each. Do I really need 4 cups of cream cheese — I eat like twice a month and the kid once or twice a week. My mouse hovered over the “add item” button. But … what if … what if there isn’t any more cream cheese anymore? Ever?

This, my friends, is my brain on Crona. I backed slowly away from the quart of spreadable cream cheese, and instead when for the 27 oz of mixed nuts. Now that I could use.

And the kid went grocery shopping for us this week and safely secured a normal size amount of cream cheese. So they answer is, yes, it will be in the store at some point.

And finally I will leave you with this. It was sunny this weekend and I decided to go to the beach where I used to live. Partly for the novelty of driving and just to see something different. Actually see something in the distance. I think my sight is going from being focused on my computer screen. For the first 10 minutes in the car looking way down the road made my eyeballs feel like they were doing calisthenics. I also decided I was not walking on the beach in what my friend calls “soft pants.”

It was time to try on the jeans.

I know I’ve gained weight, it was just a matter of how much? I took a deep breath, put one leg in and then the other.

Now for the moment of truth. Pull up and try the zipper…

They fit!

And my newly acquired belly roll obligingly sat on top of my jeans like a prim princess, acting like I should thank her for not interfering with the jeans. At least I can cover her up with a billowy top, which I did.

The beach was amazing and is big enough to for proper social distancing. So I’ll leave you with this. Hang in there everyone. Like Dorothy realized, we already have everything we need, but there is always Staples.com just on case.