I Am the Slurper

Koo koo kitchoo. Although calling myself cool is too much of a stretch unless there is a round of drinks going around that I am paying for, I like to think I have my moments. At the very least, I would say I’m a considerate, self-aware person, especially at the office. If I’m feeling perimenopausal and you’re a stranger crossing my path, well, good luck to you. But my coworkers I have to live with every day. I know the value of being a considerate office mate. Not like that guy who sucks the last drops of his iced coffee with a straw. What a jerk! And then there is a woman who someone said she makes the most noise doing absolutely nothing. Crinkling papers, paper clip jingling, moving stuff around on her desk. So annoying!

That’s not me. I try to be helpful, and if I can’t say yes to a request immediately, I let you know when I can. I try to entertain and not bore people with my stories. I empathize, I validate. Overall, I would rate myself a pretty decent coworker.

That was until the office holiday party. Did I drink too much? Interestingly I did have an office party with another group that involved alcohol, and since I haven’t been summoned by HR, I managed to navigate that party well, and I’m guessing I was “fun,” and not “fun?@!#$%^^&???”

Oh, no, this other party was just a bunch of us having a nice catered lunch, and my coworker who sits on one side of me said something about me slurping my coffee. But he teases everyone about the most ridiculous things, so I said laughing, “I do not slurp my coffee!” To which my coworker who sits on the other side of me said, “Oh yes you do!”

I had that Matrix moment, where time slows down and my morning routine flashed before my eyes: getting coffee from the kitchen, walking back to my desk, lifting the cup to my lips, and…


How could I not know this? Me, self-aware, super helpful Sandy!? Of course then they also started complaining about the crunching noise of my daily celery and carrot snack. To that one I say deal with it. I try to close my mouth. That’s the nature of the food and not much I can do about it.

But slurping? Ugh, the absolute worst.

Actually you know what was worse? I sat down this morning and forgot all about it. I’m pretty sure I did it again today. I can’t even hear it! WTF? All those years of giving the side eye to people who make noise at work. I’d think to myself, surely you can hear that, you’re just being a jerk. But apparently being a jerk and hearing yourself slurp is not mutually exclusive.

Wow, so….sorry? I’m going to try to remember tomorrow, and I can only guess that my other good qualities have prevented my coworkers from poking me in the eye with a Sharpie. Or, I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. So that’s what that Beatles song was about.





  1. Hi San, I have found that to be able to handle a hot drink you have to suck in some air just before allowing it to touch your lips, which makes a slurping sound, but prevents the lips from getting burned. So apparently, to fit into the civilized world, the thing is to wait a while till the hot drink has turned to just warm enough,.or cold.
    What you should change is that Facebook picture. Obama’s 8 years were “the triumph of illusion over substance,” (Chris Hedges), as he lost the Senate, the House, 12 governorships, the Supreme Court and over 900 seats in the different state legislatures. While he became a millionaire, income and wealth inequality kept mushrooming. So did the rate of those living in poverty, Off shore oil drilling and drone warfare also accelerated. A once prosperous Middle Class became a minority. Obama Care left 28 million Americans without healthcare insurance. He refused a Public Option,.a government operated healthcare system. Today 85 percent of Democrats want Medicare for All. However, he and the Democratic Party establishment are not a part of that! It seems like the educated class, still blessed with job security and benefits, is saying: We got ours, we can’t be bothered.
    Pops Deden

  2. Thanks, as always pops, for reading. At this point, I actually just keep the Obama picture up to get your goat! You raised me better, so that’s on me, ha ha. I will be changing my profile picture and my blog image in early 2019. Stay tuned!

    1. Ha ha! I think my dad articulated it best, it’s just for the first few sips until the coffee cools down. Or anyway that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s