Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves

After successfully fending off the aphids, budworms, and marauding teen rodents, I encountered an enemy I had not expected, and this one is infinitely more difficult to fight.

We’ve had tons of rain lately, so I didn’t need to water the guerrilla sweet potatoes by the school, but I thought I should go check on them. You know, for things like aphids, budworms, and marauding teen rodents. Normal, annoying gardening pests. OK, well, maybe the rodents weren’t normal, but they are urban residents. On my previous check all 4 plants in each bed were doing well. Two in each of them were much bigger and sending out long vines, but the 2 smaller plants in each bed were holding their own. The herb, which had survived the winter and I thought was rosemary, is actually sage. But it was producing flowers and humming along. The beds looked like this:

I walked to the school, and what fresh hell did I encounter? Theft! Someone purloined the 2 bigger plants from each bed and absconded with the sage bush! Look at this larceny!

A friend said maybe some busybody was weeding. Ha, I say. If you are weeding, you would toss aside the “weeds” you pulled, and they were nowhere in sight. Also, you would not leave a gaping hole where there was once a large herb. A “dug out, not pulled out” hole. Also, it was most likely not actual human marauding teens. They would have destroyed the whole thing. Why leave the smaller of the 2 plants? Or are you the laziest weeder on the planet? Oh, look at these 4 weeds each in these 2 beds. I only have the energy to pull out the 4 biggest ones. I think not.

Yeah, the hole where the sage was is just too damning. Someone dug it up, and presumably took it home.

And damn you, I say, you tramp and thief! At the very least, I hope you replanted them or at least ate the sage for cryin’ out loud. I know it’s a guerrilla plant and anything can happen, but it’s suppose to be me being sneaky and planting randomly. It is definitely not supposed to be other people being sneaky and pilfering plants. I bet they don’t even know what it is they took. Now every time I go there, I expect the thief to finish the job, so there will be nothing but 2 empty beds. LIke they are just biding their time until the other plants get bigger.

But, my dear friends, all is not lost. The gardens giveth and they get taken away, but while the poacher was making off with the plants, I got my first baby zucchini that quickly grew into a healthy 9 inch adult.

And because I couldn’t take any chances, shortly after I picked it, I grilled and enjoyed it!

So while I may never apprehend the sweet potato crook, I have been victorious against the marauding rodents. C’est la guerre!