CronaWatch 2020 Week XYZ

I just have few items this week because bloody hell, this week felt like walking through water.

First, I am well into my second trimester of my COVID-19 baby, aka stomach roll, just in time for warmer weather and fewer clothes. It was easy to ignore in the colder weather, but now? Time to really bust out the hula hoop, which I did on my deck. I’m sure my neighbors were thrilled. It’s time for a plan. Like walk early or late to avoid the “masked walk and dodge,” except I hate waking up early and I’m usual tipsy by 5:30. Ugh. Maybe I’ll just throw myself a baby shower.

Second, people, people, people. Murder schmurder hornets. Don’t waste a single minute on this! Those of you over 40, don’t you remember the “killer bees” from South America in the 70’s and 80’s? They were supposed to be heading north and we were all going to get randomly stung to death by marauding swarms. What was the reality? The closest I ever saw of a killer bee was the original SNL cast’s ongoing skits on it, which are probably super offensive now to people from South American, but the point is, it’s just weird shit that happens and sensationalized and is fodder for comedians. The only difference now is that there are a 1,000 more comedic platforms to make fun of the bees, and they are probably less culturally offensive. So see that’s progress. Look, the damn bees just seem to get riled up every 40 years or so. In 2060, the assassin wasps will be out to get you. Accept it and move on.

And finally, the kid who has random culinary impulses wanted to make eggs Benedict. So we did! I love it in the restaurant—who knew that the sauce is eggs and butter? Oh and lemon, which is the healthy fruit portion of the dish. Turns out that salted vs unsalted butter does matter, especially if you’re using 1 and 1/4 sticks. Who knew? It was delicious and worth the considerable mess. And the kid has a knack for poaching eggs. So I leave you with the buttery eggs of our labors. Ham on the left, bacon on the right.

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